The Pain of Not Being Seen
Part of a series where I am publishing all the draft that have lived in my compose page for several years, it is time they saw light of day.
June 2016
Yesterday, as one of my friends was packing her bags to go back home to Stockholm, our conversation turned towards the question: Do looks matter? From there it took a turn about the pain of not being seen.
The only real acceptance I have got in terms of my size has been outside my own country. The lack of care and 'looks' from the Chinese made me more comfortable in my skin. US is where I actually received, the full be more confident, be more happy about yourself vibe.
Even though the feminist in me, firmly wants to believe that they do not, the reality keeps coming back to bite me.
I am writing this, not as a means to complain, but to acknowledge the pain of not being visible. How all of us ignore/bully those who are not appealing to our senses...
In my original draft I had written this:
Here is to those 'friends' who bullied me in school or college: I am far, far more than my body/shape. I have enjoyed living in this awesomeness. I have made good use of it, by doing everything that I really wanted to do...hiking, bungee jumping, seeing star-lit oceans, moon-lit beaches, sunsets and so much else. And you know what? Even if I hadn't done these, I would still be okay with who I am and how I look.
But since then I have had time to think about this, and I think the real real question is that even if I had not done any of it, even if a person in front of me has not done or achieved things that I value, we are all still worthy of kindness, respect and love. This is something I need to practice.
June 2016
Yesterday, as one of my friends was packing her bags to go back home to Stockholm, our conversation turned towards the question: Do looks matter? From there it took a turn about the pain of not being seen.
The only real acceptance I have got in terms of my size has been outside my own country. The lack of care and 'looks' from the Chinese made me more comfortable in my skin. US is where I actually received, the full be more confident, be more happy about yourself vibe.
Even though the feminist in me, firmly wants to believe that they do not, the reality keeps coming back to bite me.
I am writing this, not as a means to complain, but to acknowledge the pain of not being visible. How all of us ignore/bully those who are not appealing to our senses...
In my original draft I had written this:
Here is to those 'friends' who bullied me in school or college: I am far, far more than my body/shape. I have enjoyed living in this awesomeness. I have made good use of it, by doing everything that I really wanted to do...hiking, bungee jumping, seeing star-lit oceans, moon-lit beaches, sunsets and so much else. And you know what? Even if I hadn't done these, I would still be okay with who I am and how I look.
But since then I have had time to think about this, and I think the real real question is that even if I had not done any of it, even if a person in front of me has not done or achieved things that I value, we are all still worthy of kindness, respect and love. This is something I need to practice.
Comments
Post a Comment